When the DFW Alliance first began, I wondered whether it was needed or would ever be "successful."  After all, despite all the talk about how churches could and should work together, it doesn't seem to happen nearly enough.

However, the past two plus years have proven that this area of church ministry (adoption, foster care and international orphan care) is in many ways an ideal opportunity for churches to truly work together.  Many aspects of this type of ministry are uncharted and unfamiliar.  As a result, orphans ministry offers a great environment for a spirit of teamwork and camaraderie to flourish.

With this in mind it has been amazing to see the spirit of cooperation and the degree of openness with which so many church-based adoption and orphan care ministries are moving forward.  What started as only two church ministries working together in the beginning has now grown to include well over two dozen churches in the D/FW area - 18 of which are connected and working together as part of the DFW Alliance. 

One by one these churches of different sizes and denominations from across North Texas are stepping forward to serve children and support families in Jesus' name.  We are excited to see which churches will respond next and how God will use them to change the lives of children and families both now and for eternity.

Families Like Us was born in January 2008, and much like a child’s birth, its conception was a quiet dream for some time.

The Martin family became first-time parents to their adopted son in September 2002, while my husband and I adopted our first son in April 2003. We all experienced the joy and wonder of first-time parenting, including the first coos, the first smiles, and many sleepless nights. Although we had these experiences in common with all new parents, there was something missing.

I could never quite put my finger on that missing link until I met Jena Martin in March 2006 at Chick-fil-A. It was then that I immediately knew what was absent from my life . . . it was being connected to families like us.

Our families are trans-racial adoptive families. Between our two families, we now have five adopted sons, all of whom are full African-American or biracial while all four parents are Caucasian.

As I went through the first three years of parenting our trans-racial family, I worked hard to make certain we had plenty of friends and play dates. And even though some of our circle of friends included other adoptive families with whom we share much in common, none were trans-racial families . . . like us.

As soon as Jena approached me that day and we exchanged names and email addresses, I knew I had found what my family needed. We needed the common bond of trans-racial adoption. Since then, our families have become fast friends, and I am certain that the Lord brought us together to provide understanding, support and encouragement to one another. We have been able to share much laughter, pleasure, prayer, and, yes, frustration.

As our friendship was birthed, so too was another idea. Jena and I quietly desired to start a ministry in our church for families like us. A group where our families could support one another. A group where our children could make friends with other kids whose families look just like their own. After all, it’s not the average family that deals with the awkward questions and stares on a daily basis. So after our friendship had flourished for well more than a year, Jena finally said one day, “Wouldn’t it be neat to have a group of families like us? We could be a support group for each other.”

Within a matter of weeks, we were pulling together our first family event. What started out as a mental list of only a handful of families turned out to be 65 people in attendance for the launch of Families Like Us. As we introduced ourselves and shared our adoption stories, we heard the same thing again and again. “We are so glad to have this group! Our family has needed this.”

We have chosen Ephesians 1:5 as our key verse: “[H]e predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will”. (NIV)  As the scripture says, we are chosen by our God to be His children. And the children that we’ve adopted were also chosen by Him. We do not deserve His salvation, nor do we deserve the joy our beautiful children bring us. But what is most important to us is that we please the Lord, and we pray that He is pleased with Families Like Us.

As one of our families remarked while standing back and watching other families in our group: “It’s like a little slice of heaven.”

Ami Roybal and her husband, together with Jena and Brian Martin, lead Families Like Us, a ministry of Richland Hills Church of Christ. This ministry offers support and encouragement to transracial adoptive and foster families in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. For more information about Families Like Us visit www.familieslikeus.net.
 

I’ve heard it dozens of times from church volunteers and lay leaders alike. They recount, often in frustrated tones, how their pastor or some other key church leader doesn’t seem to understand or isn’t “on board” with their ideas and dreams for an adoption or foster care ministry. In response I typically offer the reassurance that they are not alone. Our experience is that most new church adoption, foster care and orphan care ministries encounter similar reactions and responses.

However, as I think back about the journey that our ministry has traveled over the last three years, I realize that we have gained some very valuable insights that I believe can be encouraging and instructive for others. We can best sum this up by what has essentially become a mantra of sorts that we use to point other local church ministries forward in pursuit of their God-given calling. The mantra (and its message) is simple – if it ain’t no, then go. Let me explain.

Unleashing Your Passion While Keeping Your Perspective

As we launched Tapestry at Irving Bible Church in the fall of 2005 we had a couple of pivotal meetings with key church leaders. However, we walked away from those meetings – one in particular – feeling misunderstood and sensing a general lack of excitement and maybe even some skepticism about our vision for a broad and proactive adoption and foster care ministry in our church. This caused us no small amount of frustration, discouragement and even confusion. After all, if God had clearly called us to pursue His heart for the fatherless in the context of a church adoption and foster care ministry, then why were we encountering such seeming indifference.

In hindsight, we should not have been completely surprised by this reaction. There was some “history” at our church in terms of adoption, so we were not starting with a completely clean slate. Truth is, very few new church ministries have that luxury. Most churches have at least some “history” when it comes to adoption and foster care. Maybe there are families who have encountered real and difficult challenges along the adoption journey for which neither they nor the church were fully prepared. Maybe there is a general lack of familiarity with adoption and foster care at your church and as a result a high degree of misunderstanding and possibly even fear. A church’s “history” with adoption may even be positive, but that too can lead to certain assumptions or expectations about what a ministry should look like, where it should focus and how it should function. Whatever the situation, it is important to recognize that there is likely some amount of “history” which cannot and should not be ignored.

In addition, as our ministry was getting off the ground I now see that we conveniently overlooked two other very important realities that exist in many local churches. First, leaders at most churches are frequently approached by passionate people dreaming big dreams and casting far reaching visions for new and exciting ministries, only to see many of these ideas loose their steam by the time the passionate but ultimately uncommitted promoter hits the parking lot following the first meeting. Put another way, church leaders hear from dozens of people each year “pitching” big ministry ideas only to find those same people unwilling or unable to do what it takes to see the ministry idea through to its full potential.

Likewise, most churches have limited resources – both in terms of finances and personnel. Church leaders must make choices about which ministry opportunities to pursue, and how and when to do so. At the same time, they understand the need to keep the church’s efforts focused and the importance of helping the church to live out its mission with excellence in all that it does. As a result, church leaders are hard pressed to say “yes” to each and every good idea that comes along, and generally are only willing and able to throw their full support behind ministries that are a clear ‘fit’ and have the necessary leadership and resources to get off the ground.

These were some of the many realities at play in our situation as we sought to launch Tapestry. While some of our church leaders may have been a bit skeptical, we were also more than a bit naïve. Nevertheless, we walked away from those first key meetings with neither an enthusiastic “yes” nor a definitive “no.” We were in “new ministry limbo” and that could only mean one thing – some amount of waiting would be required.

Waiting Without Standing Still

I really dislike having to wait. Frankly, I don’t even like the idea of waiting. I know that Scripture admonishes us to “wait on the Lord.” I know that verse and others like it very well – but truth be told passages and stories about waiting are very lightly marked in my Bible when compared to passages that speak about going, doing and getting things done. As the truth of Scripture reveals, however, waiting is an unavoidable and even essential part of most meaningful journeys – and launching a church adoption and foster care ministry is no exception.

Adoptive and foster families are certainly no strangers to waiting. Virtually every adoptive family passes through the “wait” before coming to fully experience the joy and blessing that adoption brings. As those families that have “waited well” can attest, it is what you do with and during the wait that matters most.

The same is true in terms of launching a church adoption and foster care ministry. The unavoidable reality for most new ministries is that some amount of waiting will be required. Whether you are waiting for the green light to get started, waiting for an important church-wide announcement, waiting for a budget and other needed resources, or simply waiting for leadership to “get behind” the ministry – you are likely to find yourself waiting. However, this does not mean that you are relegated to ‘standing still’ while you wait. Instead, we encourage you to see your time spent waiting as an opportunity to actively move forward as you discover what it means for you and your ministry team to “wait without standing still.”

There are many biblical examples of people who waited without standing still. Paul, Simeon, John, Esther, Moses and many more men and women of God typify this sort of ‘active waiting.’ Maybe no one better illustrates this than Joshua and the children of Israel who were literally called upon to “wait without standing still.”  As they followed God’s instructions to march around the city walls it must have seemed there was a easier and quicker path to conquer the city of Jericho.  Yet 'active waiting' was an essential part of God's plan in their journey to victory over the city's inhabitants.

So even though you may be required to wait in your ministry journey, it is important to remember that there is much that can and needs to be done during the wait.  'Active waiting' for new ministries can include identifying needs, discovering quality resources, learning from other ministries, creating connections and a sense of community, planning, preparing and certainly spending a great deal of time in prayer. Even if your church leadership does not initially offer an enthusiastic “yes,” that does not mean you can’t move forward. There is much to be done and your time spent 'actively waiting' can often turn out to be some of the most productive.

Embracing the Blessing of “No”

Far from a clear “yes” or even an ambiguous “wait,” some new church ministry leaders encounter a definitive “no.” So what do you do if the answer is no? How do you respond if you clearly articulate the vision and passion for your ministry, only to have one or more aspects of what you are proposing die before it even gets off the drawing board?

This is precisely what we experienced as we were getting started. Looking back, God clearly used the “no” we encountered early on – a no that seemed so unjustified and difficult to accept at the time – to redirect us toward an area of ministry that has resulted in some of the greatest blessings we have experienced thus far.

Our original idea was to launch an adoption ministry that embraced both international and domestic adoption. Those were the two adoption paths we personally knew best and were most comfortable with. However, we did not want to ignore the realities faced by countless millions of orphans worldwide, and so we intended to bring international orphan care within the scope of our ministry as well. It all made perfect sense – to us.

As we described the scope of our vision to church leadership it was clearly communicated to us that our church’s international outreach to orphans and children at-risk would continue to be led exclusively by our international missions effort. In other words, the message was “stay away from international orphan care.” It was a devastating blow. We were certain that God was calling us to develop a ministry that intentionally reached out beyond the confines of our then small group of families to impact the lives of children that would never enter the doors of our church.

We have discovered that behind most every “no” is a “yes.” The challenge for us as local church ministry leaders (and as committed followers of Christ) is to not let the “no’s” we encounter discourage us or cause us to abandon our faithful pursuits. Instead, we must allow the “no’s” to spur us to more fiercely seek to discover the “yes” that God may be ultimately calling us to.

For Tapestry, that “yes” behind the “no” was to embrace foster care as part of the vision and plan for our ministry. As we have done this – first by learning more about our local foster care system and then by becoming involved to serve foster children and parents – God has blessed our ministry in ways we could never have imagined and would never have experienced without the blessing of “no.”

So What are You Waiting For?

It didn't take long at all for our church leadership to get fully behind our ministry.  They now fully support our vision and efforts in many important and tangible ways, and we have even been blessed with several key leaders who continually champion our efforts and constantly pray for our ministry team.

When God calls us to something that is big, scary and unknown there is always a temptation to begin looking for excuses and reasons to delay or even walk away. Unfortunately, far too many would-be church ministry leaders find reasons and excuses as to why not them, not this, not now. My response is simple – yes you, yes this and yes now. The needs are many, but so too are the opportunities to love and serve.

So what are you waiting for? If it ain’t no, then go. And as you go, go with the confidence that you will not be going it alone. There are a growing number of church adoption and foster care ministries that have gone before you, are faithfully moving forward and many are willing to come alongside you as you pursue God’s call to serve the fatherless in Jesus’ name.

Michael Monroe and his wife Amy lead Tapestry, an adoption and foster care ministry at Irving Bible Church.